im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
