I murdered the dance floor call the cops
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
