she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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