At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize