Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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