yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this beer tastes like vomit already
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Vodka?
Forever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
