I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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