and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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