Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
