my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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