I am puke
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
