I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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