Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
