1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
