can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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