I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
