A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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