i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
