I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
