i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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