We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
