I wannas sexs uuuuu
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
