She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
