I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
