What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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