Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
