I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
