She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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