matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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