...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize