I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
