I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
