Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
