somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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