There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
