her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
