i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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