well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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