I intend to get homeless drunk
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
