i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
