Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
