I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
