Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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