Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
