I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize