I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
