Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
