So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
