Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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