Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I believe in your delicious
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
