i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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