every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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