i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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