YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
