fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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