He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
