I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
