As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize