my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize