Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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