Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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