STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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