I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
