ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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